


Dorian Gets a New Cat: a Herostuck Alternate Story

by mrmercer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Ambiguous Relationships, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7806064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrmercer/pseuds/mrmercer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So a Vergil clone and a werelion live in an apartment together...<br/>This is a rather late birthday gift for a friend, a selection of skits featuring our characters in a sitcom-style domestic AU. Are they a couple? Are they friends? Are they still bitter enemies who nevertheless live together for some reason? This question will never be answered: it's up to the reader to decide.<br/>Based on a discussion me and said friend had some time ago: title comes from that as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dorian Gets a New Cat: a Herostuck Alternate Story

Dorian walks to the kitchen, going to get somethng to eat: it's been a long day at work, and while a shower gets the blood off it doesn't do much for the stomach. He opens the door, sees a lion on the floor, surrounded by various items of food and drink that have been torn open and spilled. Dorian closes the door. "I'm not dealing with this right now." He mutters, walking away.

A few hours later Dorian tries again. The mess has been cleared up, but the lion is now perched on the counter, locking eyes with him as it chews on a cereal box. After standing there for a few moments, Dorian takes a spray bottle off of his belt and spritzes the lion in the face, a surprised honk issuing from the beast. Over its roars of annoyance, Dorian says "You should know better than that by now, Felide: if you want food while stuck as a lion you come to someone else for help." Felide moves along the counter and begins trying to climb on top of the fridge, making distressed noises. "You're not going to get any sympathy by sulking. You're not even going to fit up there." A few minutes later Felide is up there, a face mostly obscured by fluff as she struggles to get out. Dorian grabs a bag of chips from a cupboard and leaves, sighing. She'll be able to get down when she changes back: might as well just leave her to contemplate her actions for now.

* * *

Dorian is chopping vegetables in the kitchen. His summoned sword makes dicing carrots a breeze: he'd sell them on the internet if they didn't disappear when he stopped thinking about them. Felide pads into the kitchen in lion form, and starts reaching for the steak on the counter, only to receive a swift rap on the feline knuckles with the flat of a sword. She tries again, and fails again. The dining table is in the middle of the room, and she sees a glass of water upon it, so she does as a cat does and swats at it. There is a crashing sound as the table flips and Dorian turns to see what just happened, instinctively summoning Yamato. Felide turns and sprints out of the kitchen.

* * *

Felide is asleep on the grass as Dorian strikes at the rolled tatami mat, Yamato slicing through the target easily. Cutting this specifically has no purpose, but it's important to practice techniques frequently and Dorian is too used to using them to not do so. He continues practicing for an hour or so, the blade cutting so eaasily that he barely even notices it cutting a patch of Felide's fur. Dorian dismisses Yamato and heads back inside, leaving Felide to sleep a little longer.

Felide walks into the bathroom, preparing to wash her hair. She can't believe Dorian just left her there: now her hair is absolutely filthy, and it's always a nightmare to clean. She looks in the mirror to survey the damage. Hang on, why does she have bangs? How did that ha... Felide realises what happened and storms off to find Dorian and most likely punch him in the face. It would not be undeserved.

* * *

Felide is catloafing on top of a door. Don't ask how she got up there or how she's staying up there. All that matters is that she made it and is comfortable. Dorian is trying to do some research on his laptop: he's found some rumours about a hammer said to hold mystical properties, and is trying to figure out if it's worth hunting it down or not. However, the heavy breathing above him is ruining his focus. He reaches over from his chair to push the door to, but stops when he hears a  growl. He pulls his hand away, and the growl stops. He moves it closer, and the growl starts up again. He does this a few more times, causing Felide to make a noise like a saw cutting through wood, before sighing and just trying to get on with work, propping some cushions by his ears in an attempt to block out the sound.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that definitely wasn't my best work. Still, I think the concept is good enough to push it through. I hope the readers of his work have enjoyed it.


End file.
